Justified!

The act of deleting justifies your own bad behavior.

I won! ;-)

Bring Brain Juice Back

While randomly clicking links in Wikipedia, I came across this quote. Something Harper Lee wrote to Oprah:

"Now, 75 years later in an abundant society where people have laptops, cell phones, iPods and minds like empty rooms, I still plod along with books.”

That quote stung.

I think I'm becoming those minds like empty rooms.

There is a very tall stack of unread books in my room and yet facebook, twitter and instagram still controlled my daily activities.

I rarely read nowadays, which my father had repeatedly raised his concerns. My father even told me to stick my phone on my forehead since I keep looking at it too much. -____-”

It seems so hard to disengage myself from this bad habit.

But I will try.

Because it's so scary to see how social networking is taking over everybody. And me. People reveal too much info these days.

I want to read again, and write too. I want my brain juice back.

Wish me luck!

To Cry Wolf

According to Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Boy_Who_Cried_Wolf
The tale concerns a shepherd boy who repeatedly tricks nearby villagers into thinking a wolf is attacking his flock. When a wolf actually does appear, the villagers do not believe the boy's cries for help, and the flock is destroyed. The moral at the end of the story shows that this is how liars are not rewarded: even if they tell the truth, no one believes them...

I am in a situation where I am the tricked villager. I’ve been tricked and tricked and lied to and manipulated so many, many times. It is my own fault that I’ve never approach this one particular person (TOPP) with this habit face to face. Back then, someone who is very close to TOPP once told me, my honesty might break and hurt TOPP. I regretted listening to that someone because that someone had only known TOPP for like 2-3 years. I’ve known TOPP from way back and I used to spend so much time with TOPP more than TOPP’s close friends and I know the changes in TOPP’s personality. Not even TOPP’s close friends realized the truth behind the many tales that had been spun.

Out of love and respect, I keep quiet. I stood behind TOPP even when most of the people were questioning about TOPP’s behaviour and had doubts about TOPP’s credibility.

Since I am learning to be the bigger person and for old time’s sake, I’ve longed forgive TOPP’s verbal abuse and stuffs TOPP did to me. Oh yes, there are so many things TOPP thought I didn’t know but I actually found out in the end. Allah Is Great.

But I can’t take TOPP’s lying anymore. So whenever I encountered another fishy tale from TOPP, I reacted without thinking first. Something I am not proud of.

But hey, if you are above all this and my outburst had nothing to do with you, why did you flipped out that way? Do you think you’ve done enough goodness to some people that entitled you to call some people animal and announcing that some people is defying Allah’s grants? Have you look at the mirror lately? Are you in a good relationship with God?

Orang baik-baik tidak akan sesekali mengungkit.

I found this from FB status, I would like to write this as a reminder for myself. I am talking to myself first and foremost. I never claimed to be better.

Siapa yang menanam dialah yang akan menuai.....
Disetiap perbuatan pasti ada balasannya.......
Apa yang dialami saat ini mungkin hasil dari masa lampau...
Dan apa yang kamu perbuat saat ini akan mendapatkan hasil di masa depan...
Baik dan buruknya hasil yang akan didapatkan tergantung dari apa yang kamu perbuat saat ini

Remember, I never claimed to be better :)

Stronger Than I Thought

Last Friday night, a few of my workmate threw a semi-suprise birthday celebration for me. A Korean dinner and followed by a karaoke session. I was truly touched. I've been experiencing a mild melancholy lately because I thought nobody (other than my family) cares this year. Their efforts to celebrate my birthday struck a chord with me. People that I don't have any expectations made an unexpected gesture.

So I wonder, where do I stand in each of other people's heart? Other people that are not my family, I mean. This question has been hanging in my heart in the past 2 days. I wish I could write further but I know I got other hearts to think of. Some people might get offended.

Maybe this is an early sign for me that soon I don't matter at all.

Anyhoo, I'm fine really. The weekend was spent by the beach with family members and my grandmas (maternal grandma and her older sister). I love seeing the two of them. They are so close since they were little up until now. They are in their late 70's! I have promised myself that I will maintain the close relationship I have right now with my family, especially my dear sister. I don't have any expectation on others anymore. People come and go but in the end, only family matters.

Someday when I feel let down, I will look back at this entry and be reminded how I got away with it by believing in myself. I will always be grateful because I am blessed with a loving family. I don't need anybody other than Allah The Almighty to validate my existence.

Move on, Temi. Just move on.

I Am 32

I am 32 now. Wow. I don't know how to act 32, I don't even know how to act 31 previously for that matter.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah for giving me the chance to live until now. I am thankful to Allah for blessing me with loving family and great friends.

Life is good. Actually life is great. People aren't. (something I read from twitter) Haha..

Healthwise, I'm doing fine. The disease is under-control as long as I stick to the medications. I got sick a few times last year though not related to the disease. There was a time when I was sick on and off for about 2 months. That was quite an experience.

So far, there's no improvement in romance department. I'm single/been single for the past few years.

At least I'm not emotionally-dependant to anyone. I'm not attached to someone that promise nothing. No crush or infatuation. Boring, I know. No headache and heartache. No time and money wasted.

I'm trying to embrace the looming fact that I might be an old maid for the rest of my life. This sounds a little pessimistic, but it doesn't mean that I'm depressed.

I believe that Allah has better plans, so I'm just going with the flow. Having a better half does not defines me. I define myself. I will make myself happy. I am happy. Are you happy?

Of course, there will be the occasional lonely feeling and longing for companionship. I have promised myself that I will just face it with sappy love songs and lots of chocolate. And move on, let go, whatever. I might find a new hobby in the future, like parasailing, hiking (yea rite haha), pole dancing or anything to combat those negative feelings.

I always tell myself, if I'm not married then I will really take care of my parents. That's not so bad, isn't it? After all, they've done so much for me. It's time to repay them. If I want kids someday, I'll harass my siblings to produce lots of nieces and nephews for me. Heheh..

So I will live my life like this. I'll accept whatever/whoever comes along the way. I am, after all, is now 32.

Happy Birthday, me! :)

I Wish...

I wish I lived in a world where I could play the ukulele, people played tubas on the bus, photographs showed people moving, and utensil pianos actually produced music...

The Big C

So Steve Jobs died today. I'm not sure the cause of his death but most probably because of the pancreatic cancer that he had been battling for the past 7 years.

Cancer.

Aunty N, one my mom's bestfriend passed away because of colon cancer 5 years ago. She left behind a husband and 4 small children.

One of my closest friend's father passed away because of colon cancer too. I watched him took his last breath.

And now, 2 of my dearest friends are battling with cancer. Age 30 and 29 respectively. One of them is at Stage 3 and had one of her breast removed.

:(