Stop Faking It

You have a constant aura of putting on airs. Look how calm I am even when I'm injured! In trying too hard not to appear self-consciously cool, it comes off as false. I would have appreciated at least you acknowledging how different your "recent mishap" is, rather than you're acting like it's the most normal thing in the world. Your current condition doesn't need to apologize for, but you shouldn't pretend either.

Newsflash: I Know!

I know that you'd been lying all along. I know that you'd been lying a lot. I also know that you've been using lies as a tool for emotional blackmail. Being yourself is not enough for people to give their attention to you, is it? Oh come on! When are you going to grow out of this insecurity?

I feel sorry for some of your devoted people around you. They didn't know how much you lied to them. You spun you own web of lies and manipulated their trust for your own emotional benefit. How much further are you going to lie?

Sometimes I just want to tell it to your face that I can't stand your lying anymore. But lying is too ingrained in yourself that made it too hard for you to be honest about anything at all.

Go on and fool them but you can fool me no more. My trust on you is like butterfly wings. Fragile. Maybe your forgot, but bridging a gap will never work with lies.

Enough is enough. I beg you, stop lying. Please.

To The Things Which Continually Go Unaddressed

Hello earthlings. I am now back from Mars. Life in space was nice. Sparkling stars kept me busy. I was planning to bring those stars back to Earth but the aliens stole them away from me. And no, this is not an excuse for not blogging.


Anyhoodle, I just need to write this:

We sometimes argue and disagree because we're a bunch of different people, but we love each other more than anything. In the end, through all of our disagreements, we just pull it together because our friendship matters the most.

for mot & mia

My Personal Hero

Hi, banana pie.

This is a quick update to let you guys know that I'm still alive and kicking.

So Malaysia is celebrating her birthday today. Cool.


But have you guys ever heard of Omar Mukhtar? He's one of my personal hero.

Omar Mukhtar (Arabic عمر المختار ‘Umar Al-Mukhtār) (1862 - September 16, 1931), of the Mnifa tribe, was born in the small village of Janzour, near Tobruk in eastern Barqa (Cyrenaica). He organized and, for nearly twenty years from 1912, led native resistance to Italian control of Libya.

Mukhtar's final adversary, Italian General Rodolfo Graziani, has given a description of the Senusite leader that is not lacking in respect: "Of medium height, stout, with white hair, beard and mustache. Omar was endowed with a quick and lively intelligence; was knowledgeable in religious matters, and revealed an energetic and impetuous character, unselfish and uncompromising; ultimately, he remained very religious and poor, even though he had been one of the most important Senusist figures."

In three days, Mukhtar was tried, convicted, and, on September 14, 1931, sentenced to be hanged publicly (historians and scholars have questioned whether his trial was fair or impartial). When asked if he wished to say any last words, Mukhtar replied with a Qur'anic phrase: "From Allah we have come, and to Allah we will return." On September 16, 1931, on the orders of the Italian court and with Italian hopes that Libyan resistance would die with him, Mukhtar was hanged before his followers in the concentration camp of Solluqon

[Excerpt from Wikipedia]


Al-Fatihah.

Well, Well, Well....

Now that you've got the "advantage", I would like to see how far you'll go to justify your vindictiveness.

I have teeny bit of hope that you'll prove me wrong, though.

And we shall see....

Random Puasa Post

Yesterday I was craving Sirap Bandung Ais Krim Soda for berbuka. So I dropped by JJ right after work and bought the ingredients for my own concoction of Sirap Bandung. Alhamdulillah, the Sirap Bandung Ais Krim Soda was a success. Eceh.

This morning I remembered that the baby potatoes in the fridge are left untouched. Even though I'm not much of a cook, I still got this urge to buy baby potatoes when I saw them at Cameron 2 weeks ago. I don't know what to do with them but I was thinking of turning those babies into potato salad.

We'll see how it will turned out. The pictures of the potato salad that I saw in the Internet made me soooo hungryy!!

p/s HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR FRIEND!

I Never Meant To Steal Your Thunder By Getting Sick

I had another round of medical follow-up with my neurologist last week. The antibodies level and everything are still high. Thus, no chance of reducing the medications. I know steroids are cheaper, and they do control my disease really well, but they do a lot of damage as well. It sucks. My neurologist remained positive about it but she wouldn't declares that I'm into remission yet. I'm still having my "down' moments; walking around like I have an elephant resting on legs, right arm and chest. Sometimes I choked while swallowing food. Frustrating. Plus, I have to be extra careful with the spreading virus of H1N1 and don't overwhelm myself with unnecessary stress, physically or mentally. I keep telling myself I will get the hang of it and be patient. But it is just so hard because this disease is like a roller coaster to me. Some days I am more positive than others. Some days I just want to curl up on my bed and cry.

I'm not implying as if we're a subculture of some sort but no one really knows what we (people with disease) go through, unless they are one of us. Physically I looked normal but fatigue is no stranger to me. Some people thought that I was "lazy" when I chose to "just sit around". So although I know I have pushed myself (sometimes too far), others have no way of seeing that. I try not to let the comments bother me, but sometimes it still hurts to hear what others have to say. I guess I just have to get used to the fact that people aren't going to understand and try to surround myself with people that are more understanding. And speaking of understanding, I can now distinguish between "people who really understand" (they have much patience and supportive) and "people who pretends to understand" (inconsiderate and expect more of me). It's like my sixth sense. Now I only vent to certain people in my life about my disease.


Nahh, no point in getting angry. I pardoned the lack of understanding. I know Allah has some greater purpose in all of this. There will be better days eventually, when remission comes.

Therefore, those who are strong and healthy, always be thankful. If you think by being sick, people would give more attention to you, that's pathetic. If you're really think that you're sick, go get some help quickly. Why wait and keep yourself in the dark? Be careful what you wish for, Allah boleh bayar cash. Janganlah minta yang bukan-bukan.