Monday, July 27, 2009


It looks like old habit dies hard.

The same old thing happened again.

You will always remain the same.

But I no longer hold any resentment.

I just pity you.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Without Them, I Can't Breathe

I'm proud to say that my relationship with my parents has grown much, much closer since I got sick. It seems natural to tell my parents about everyone and (almost) everything in my life. Because of that, I’m much calmer these days. Somebody once said to me, if you can't be honest to your own parents, you can never be honest to anyone. Now I pity those who depended on little white lies here and there to make other people listen to them or to be accepted or just to appear normal.

Anyhoodle, I was inclined to tell my parents about Perempuan Keliwon (PK) who thinks I'm jealous of her because of a guy. I didn't spare any details from them, even though some of the facts were against me. I admitted to them I did play some part that started the “friction”. And then of course, I received a very long lecture from my parents huhu but I was still able to hold a healthy discussion with them. My parents had dispensed a lot of good advice to me.

My parents made me promised that I won't fire up the animosity again. Mak said the crazy notion of jealousy probably evolved from that void in her life because she has no one to identify with. Since I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, I should have not wasting my time trying to infuriate her because it is so childish. Let her live in an illusion that her existence is worthy because someone is jealous of her. People with vulnerable self-esteem have the tendency to think that way. I will not be easily rattled with whatever she might do next.

Like Abah said, there's always a virtue in keeping cool.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

The Pursuit Of Happy-ness

Last week, I was shocked to discover that an old friend of mine, NA is now a divorcee. I never thought this kind of thing would happen to someone like her. You see, compared to me NA is a good muslimah, always been a smart student and has a masters degree. She met her ex-husband through an online Islamic forum and before they got married, she even performed istikharah. They were like a model couple among us. Sadly, after 6 years of marriage and 2 kids later it has come to this. Her ex-husband is not someone she thought she knew. Even though he's a sekolah pondok and UIA educated person, he neglected his duty as a husband.

However, my friend NA is truly a good person. Despite her sleepless nights of crying about her failed marriage, she accepts her fate with an open heart. She didn’t lose her faith in Allah The Almighty. Maybe this "test" is to erase her previous sins, who knows? In fact, she said to me that she is calmer and at peace with herself more than before. She believes that Allah has other plans for her.

Now kids, what should we learn from NA's story?

To those who define their happiness by being married to someone, think again. Be happy with yourself first, and always believe that you don’t need someone to make you feel special about yourself. So if you meet someone, be thankful to Allah and let that someone be an addition, not the answer to your happiness.

I know it's hard for some of us, being in the late 20's and still single. Sometimes we feel like a loser because loneliness is a pain that just won't go away. I'm not some kind of saint but one thing I know, always be grateful with what you have will make the pain bearable. We will never be happy if we keep comparing our lives with those who are married. If you think being unmarried is a problem, please remember that married people have their own sets of problem to deal with, too.

Kepada kawan,

Jangan letakkan perkahwinan sebagai matlamat kebahagiaan. Kalau dapat berkahwin, ada jaminankah kita akan bahagia? Atau kalau sudah takdir tak berkahwin sampai ke tua, bagaimana pula? Umur baru 20-an sudah tak tahan dugaan hidup solo, macam mana bila umur mencecah 30-an, 40-an dan seterusnya? Kita tidak tahu takdir kita, yang penting kita sentiasa redha dan tawakal kepada Yang Maha Esa.

[this is a reminder for myself too]