Monday, January 16, 2012

Stronger Than I Thought

Last Friday night, a few of my workmate threw a semi-suprise birthday celebration for me. A Korean dinner and followed by a karaoke session. I was truly touched. I've been experiencing a mild melancholy lately because I thought nobody (other than my family) cares this year. Their efforts to celebrate my birthday struck a chord with me. People that I don't have any expectations made an unexpected gesture.

So I wonder, where do I stand in each of other people's heart? Other people that are not my family, I mean. This question has been hanging in my heart in the past 2 days. I wish I could write further but I know I got other hearts to think of. Some people might get offended.

Maybe this is an early sign for me that soon I don't matter at all.

Anyhoo, I'm fine really. The weekend was spent by the beach with family members and my grandmas (maternal grandma and her older sister). I love seeing the two of them. They are so close since they were little up until now. They are in their late 70's! I have promised myself that I will maintain the close relationship I have right now with my family, especially my dear sister. I don't have any expectation on others anymore. People come and go but in the end, only family matters.

Someday when I feel let down, I will look back at this entry and be reminded how I got away with it by believing in myself. I will always be grateful because I am blessed with a loving family. I don't need anybody other than Allah The Almighty to validate my existence.

Move on, Temi. Just move on.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Am 32

I am 32 now. Wow. I don't know how to act 32, I don't even know how to act 31 previously for that matter.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah for giving me the chance to live until now. I am thankful to Allah for blessing me with loving family and great friends.

Life is good. Actually life is great. People aren't. (something I read from twitter) Haha..

Healthwise, I'm doing fine. The disease is under-control as long as I stick to the medications. I got sick a few times last year though not related to the disease. There was a time when I was sick on and off for about 2 months. That was quite an experience.

So far, there's no improvement in romance department. I'm single/been single for the past few years.

At least I'm not emotionally-dependant to anyone. I'm not attached to someone that promise nothing. No crush or infatuation. Boring, I know. No headache and heartache. No time and money wasted.

I'm trying to embrace the looming fact that I might be an old maid for the rest of my life. This sounds a little pessimistic, but it doesn't mean that I'm depressed.

I believe that Allah has better plans, so I'm just going with the flow. Having a better half does not defines me. I define myself. I will make myself happy. I am happy. Are you happy?

Of course, there will be the occasional lonely feeling and longing for companionship. I have promised myself that I will just face it with sappy love songs and lots of chocolate. And move on, let go, whatever. I might find a new hobby in the future, like parasailing, hiking (yea rite haha), pole dancing or anything to combat those negative feelings.

I always tell myself, if I'm not married then I will really take care of my parents. That's not so bad, isn't it? After all, they've done so much for me. It's time to repay them. If I want kids someday, I'll harass my siblings to produce lots of nieces and nephews for me. Heheh..

So I will live my life like this. I'll accept whatever/whoever comes along the way. I am, after all, is now 32.

Happy Birthday, me! :)