Sunday, April 25, 2010

Kasih Tak Sampai-Sampai

The last 2 months had been quite busy for me. I couldn't find a time to sit down and ponder upon my life and then blog about it. Even when I had the time, I'd rather do something else other than blogging.

So I finally got a much needed rest since yesterday. All previous weekends saw me going somewhere and doing something. One of my friend pointed out that it's amazing that I had this much energy with my unpredictable health status. Speaking of health, my neurologist is still unsure about defining my current status. She said that I'm not "into remission" yet, since I failed a few test. It is only under-controlled for now. The next test is in June. Let's just pray for the best. I'm too tired to worry about it. Whatever will be, will be...

Ok well..let's move along.

I realized that not everything comes along just when I want it. And I think I dream too much. I hope too much, too. And so far it gives me nothing. I've been told that I probably hope for the wrong things but trust me, all the things that I wish for so far is nothing like as rich as the Sultan of Brunei or Brad Pitt lookalike. I wish for the simpler things, in fact sometimes too nondescript.

When I heard the news the other day, it made me sad again. Although I believe in fate and Allah's mysterious ways, I couldn't help but feel devastated. Maybe something that I've been hoping to happen is not good for me, I don't know. Maybe I'm not good enough to hope for that something to happen. Maybe I'm not good enough for anything at all, maybe, maybe....

Reality hits me hard. I don't want to hope for anything no more because in the end it will only makes me sad.