Ramblings Here And There

I would like to thank my very good friend for taking this picture of my feet. It had inspired me to design this simple header.

The Wicked Witch With The Fragile Bone Soul
Apparently, she still thinks she's the angel, the savior of the people even when everyone has realized she lied and lied true her teeth every single time. She had spread vicious words and twisted her stories so that SOME individuals listened to her but little did she knew that she's losing her claws over lots of people.

We shall see how the drama will unfolds....

Footnote: Over 10 years ago, I could never imagined that it will turn out this sour.

So How Low Can You Go?

Between reading, socializing, researching, plot-writing and psp-ing..I totally forgot about blogging.

And I don't want to comment here about the recent drama of lying, scheming and manipulating. Some people might get defensive. As always. Heh :P

Besides, I have my Private Rants. ;)

Don't worry, I'm still alive. Lucky for you, I'm still single haha

p/s I love Isabel Allende's books! Go Google. Too lazy to provide links.

Stop Faking It

You have a constant aura of putting on airs. Look how calm I am even when I'm injured! In trying too hard not to appear self-consciously cool, it comes off as false. I would have appreciated at least you acknowledging how different your "recent mishap" is, rather than you're acting like it's the most normal thing in the world. Your current condition doesn't need to apologize for, but you shouldn't pretend either.

Newsflash: I Know!

I know that you'd been lying all along. I know that you'd been lying a lot. I also know that you've been using lies as a tool for emotional blackmail. Being yourself is not enough for people to give their attention to you, is it? Oh come on! When are you going to grow out of this insecurity?

I feel sorry for some of your devoted people around you. They didn't know how much you lied to them. You spun you own web of lies and manipulated their trust for your own emotional benefit. How much further are you going to lie?

Sometimes I just want to tell it to your face that I can't stand your lying anymore. But lying is too ingrained in yourself that made it too hard for you to be honest about anything at all.

Go on and fool them but you can fool me no more. My trust on you is like butterfly wings. Fragile. Maybe your forgot, but bridging a gap will never work with lies.

Enough is enough. I beg you, stop lying. Please.

To The Things Which Continually Go Unaddressed

Hello earthlings. I am now back from Mars. Life in space was nice. Sparkling stars kept me busy. I was planning to bring those stars back to Earth but the aliens stole them away from me. And no, this is not an excuse for not blogging.


Anyhoodle, I just need to write this:

We sometimes argue and disagree because we're a bunch of different people, but we love each other more than anything. In the end, through all of our disagreements, we just pull it together because our friendship matters the most.

for mot & mia

My Personal Hero

Hi, banana pie.

This is a quick update to let you guys know that I'm still alive and kicking.

So Malaysia is celebrating her birthday today. Cool.


But have you guys ever heard of Omar Mukhtar? He's one of my personal hero.

Omar Mukhtar (Arabic عمر المختار ‘Umar Al-Mukhtār) (1862 - September 16, 1931), of the Mnifa tribe, was born in the small village of Janzour, near Tobruk in eastern Barqa (Cyrenaica). He organized and, for nearly twenty years from 1912, led native resistance to Italian control of Libya.

Mukhtar's final adversary, Italian General Rodolfo Graziani, has given a description of the Senusite leader that is not lacking in respect: "Of medium height, stout, with white hair, beard and mustache. Omar was endowed with a quick and lively intelligence; was knowledgeable in religious matters, and revealed an energetic and impetuous character, unselfish and uncompromising; ultimately, he remained very religious and poor, even though he had been one of the most important Senusist figures."

In three days, Mukhtar was tried, convicted, and, on September 14, 1931, sentenced to be hanged publicly (historians and scholars have questioned whether his trial was fair or impartial). When asked if he wished to say any last words, Mukhtar replied with a Qur'anic phrase: "From Allah we have come, and to Allah we will return." On September 16, 1931, on the orders of the Italian court and with Italian hopes that Libyan resistance would die with him, Mukhtar was hanged before his followers in the concentration camp of Solluqon

[Excerpt from Wikipedia]


Al-Fatihah.

Well, Well, Well....

Now that you've got the "advantage", I would like to see how far you'll go to justify your vindictiveness.

I have teeny bit of hope that you'll prove me wrong, though.

And we shall see....

Random Puasa Post

Yesterday I was craving Sirap Bandung Ais Krim Soda for berbuka. So I dropped by JJ right after work and bought the ingredients for my own concoction of Sirap Bandung. Alhamdulillah, the Sirap Bandung Ais Krim Soda was a success. Eceh.

This morning I remembered that the baby potatoes in the fridge are left untouched. Even though I'm not much of a cook, I still got this urge to buy baby potatoes when I saw them at Cameron 2 weeks ago. I don't know what to do with them but I was thinking of turning those babies into potato salad.

We'll see how it will turned out. The pictures of the potato salad that I saw in the Internet made me soooo hungryy!!

p/s HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR FRIEND!

I Never Meant To Steal Your Thunder By Getting Sick

I had another round of medical follow-up with my neurologist last week. The antibodies level and everything are still high. Thus, no chance of reducing the medications. I know steroids are cheaper, and they do control my disease really well, but they do a lot of damage as well. It sucks. My neurologist remained positive about it but she wouldn't declares that I'm into remission yet. I'm still having my "down' moments; walking around like I have an elephant resting on legs, right arm and chest. Sometimes I choked while swallowing food. Frustrating. Plus, I have to be extra careful with the spreading virus of H1N1 and don't overwhelm myself with unnecessary stress, physically or mentally. I keep telling myself I will get the hang of it and be patient. But it is just so hard because this disease is like a roller coaster to me. Some days I am more positive than others. Some days I just want to curl up on my bed and cry.

I'm not implying as if we're a subculture of some sort but no one really knows what we (people with disease) go through, unless they are one of us. Physically I looked normal but fatigue is no stranger to me. Some people thought that I was "lazy" when I chose to "just sit around". So although I know I have pushed myself (sometimes too far), others have no way of seeing that. I try not to let the comments bother me, but sometimes it still hurts to hear what others have to say. I guess I just have to get used to the fact that people aren't going to understand and try to surround myself with people that are more understanding. And speaking of understanding, I can now distinguish between "people who really understand" (they have much patience and supportive) and "people who pretends to understand" (inconsiderate and expect more of me). It's like my sixth sense. Now I only vent to certain people in my life about my disease.


Nahh, no point in getting angry. I pardoned the lack of understanding. I know Allah has some greater purpose in all of this. There will be better days eventually, when remission comes.

Therefore, those who are strong and healthy, always be thankful. If you think by being sick, people would give more attention to you, that's pathetic. If you're really think that you're sick, go get some help quickly. Why wait and keep yourself in the dark? Be careful what you wish for, Allah boleh bayar cash. Janganlah minta yang bukan-bukan.

Re-Caps For You

Somebody wants to know what I did these past few days..so here you go ;)

Thursday (Gerhana Cinta Luka Untuk Bront Palarae)

Watched Setem with officemates, I came with no expectation at all but the movie was enjoyable. And out of the sudden, I have this HUGE crush on this actor not when he looked like this



But


Like this:


I wanna have your babies , serious like crazy..hahahhahaa

*Drool, swoon and pengsan for a while*

Friday (Risoles Gula Parsi)

Rushed home from work, got ready and off to Bukit Bint@ng with a trusted friend cum driver to attend a Persian+Indian wedding reception. It was an eye-opener for both of us kan? Though served a little bit late, the foods were scrumptious!

After the reception, we went to Kg. Bharu to meet up the usual Sate Padang suspects. Cik Cantik Manis Gula made a sedaplicious risoles. Thank you so much for the 2 kampit gul@ (Shhhh…dia ini tokan akauntan kilang gul@)

Oh enjoy your free trip to Bali, Along rasa!

Dan dia nampak anggun pada malam itu heheh

Saturday (40 Cawan Kopi Dan 2 Kawan)

Spend some quality time with Yooy and Kak Mek. I enjoyed our conversations immensely. Many million thanks to both of you!

Dinner with parents at a Chinese-Muslim restaurant. Sedaplicious too.

Sunday (Hari Stalking Bront Palarae Di Internet)

Spring cleaning my room, read, went online, iron work clothes and menjadi supir kepada Emak.


Hookayy...that's all for now. More stalking to do...hehehhee

Gara-gara Made In India

Arakian, D-i-g-i menawarkan khidmat Caller Tune hingga menyebabkan saya telah memilih lagu Tamil untuk diperdengarkan kepada sesiapa yang menelefon saya. Selain itu juga, Group Caller Tune memudahkan saya untuk memastikan nombor bos saya tidak termasuk dalam senarai pendengar lagu Tamil apabila menelefon saya. Saya telah khaskan lagu yang agak sopan untuk bos saya.

Tetapiiiiiiiiiii...saya lupa yang bos saya mempunyai dua nombor telefon. Hari ini dia telah menelefon saya menggunakan henfon peribadinya. Maka dia telah mendengar lagu Tamil itu.

"Eiii..tu tadi tu lagu apa, Temi?!!" tanya bos saya dengan nada suara seperti tidak percaya. Saya berperwatakan skema di hadapan bos sebenarnya.

Saya tahu bos sudah trauma dengan saya. Saya juga sudah trauma, Bos.

Huwwaaa maluuuuuuuu.... *Bersembunyi di bawah meja sebentar*

I Hope I Won't Be Like You

Thank you my good friend, Mr.Confidante for sharing these fine quotes with me.

- Speak when you're angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret

Helps a lot to neutralize the urgency to hit back the outright verbal assaults, sarcastic, snide, demeaning comments, passive-aggressive comments, and pessimistic comments.

- You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot do by force
Applies to the rude and condescending.

- You have to act out your deepest conviction before anyone else will believe in you
And people will respect you, too.

Go figure!

Heh!

It looks like old habit dies hard.

The same old thing happened again.

You will always remain the same.

But I no longer hold any resentment.

I just pity you.

Without Them, I Can't Breathe

I'm proud to say that my relationship with my parents has grown much, much closer since I got sick. It seems natural to tell my parents about everyone and (almost) everything in my life. Because of that, I’m much calmer these days. Somebody once said to me, if you can't be honest to your own parents, you can never be honest to anyone. Now I pity those who depended on little white lies here and there to make other people listen to them or to be accepted or just to appear normal.

Anyhoodle, I was inclined to tell my parents about Perempuan Keliwon (PK) who thinks I'm jealous of her because of a guy. I didn't spare any details from them, even though some of the facts were against me. I admitted to them I did play some part that started the “friction”. And then of course, I received a very long lecture from my parents huhu but I was still able to hold a healthy discussion with them. My parents had dispensed a lot of good advice to me.

My parents made me promised that I won't fire up the animosity again. Mak said the crazy notion of jealousy probably evolved from that void in her life because she has no one to identify with. Since I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, I should have not wasting my time trying to infuriate her because it is so childish. Let her live in an illusion that her existence is worthy because someone is jealous of her. People with vulnerable self-esteem have the tendency to think that way. I will not be easily rattled with whatever she might do next.

Like Abah said, there's always a virtue in keeping cool.

The Pursuit Of Happy-ness

Last week, I was shocked to discover that an old friend of mine, NA is now a divorcee. I never thought this kind of thing would happen to someone like her. You see, compared to me NA is a good muslimah, always been a smart student and has a masters degree. She met her ex-husband through an online Islamic forum and before they got married, she even performed istikharah. They were like a model couple among us. Sadly, after 6 years of marriage and 2 kids later it has come to this. Her ex-husband is not someone she thought she knew. Even though he's a sekolah pondok and UIA educated person, he neglected his duty as a husband.

However, my friend NA is truly a good person. Despite her sleepless nights of crying about her failed marriage, she accepts her fate with an open heart. She didn’t lose her faith in Allah The Almighty. Maybe this "test" is to erase her previous sins, who knows? In fact, she said to me that she is calmer and at peace with herself more than before. She believes that Allah has other plans for her.

Now kids, what should we learn from NA's story?

To those who define their happiness by being married to someone, think again. Be happy with yourself first, and always believe that you don’t need someone to make you feel special about yourself. So if you meet someone, be thankful to Allah and let that someone be an addition, not the answer to your happiness.

I know it's hard for some of us, being in the late 20's and still single. Sometimes we feel like a loser because loneliness is a pain that just won't go away. I'm not some kind of saint but one thing I know, always be grateful with what you have will make the pain bearable. We will never be happy if we keep comparing our lives with those who are married. If you think being unmarried is a problem, please remember that married people have their own sets of problem to deal with, too.

Kepada kawan,

Jangan letakkan perkahwinan sebagai matlamat kebahagiaan. Kalau dapat berkahwin, ada jaminankah kita akan bahagia? Atau kalau sudah takdir tak berkahwin sampai ke tua, bagaimana pula? Umur baru 20-an sudah tak tahan dugaan hidup solo, macam mana bila umur mencecah 30-an, 40-an dan seterusnya? Kita tidak tahu takdir kita, yang penting kita sentiasa redha dan tawakal kepada Yang Maha Esa.

[this is a reminder for myself too]

There's Always Something So Tragic, About A Hopeless Romantic

Iris: And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert. Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual.

Source: The Holiday

*sigh*

This One-Way Feeling...

I know that this blog looks incomplete in IE. I'm not in the mood to figure out why yet. So people, use Firefox!

On another note, making lasting friendships is a testament. If we're able to stand by each other through thick and thin and accepting every craziness, quirks or flaws, we'll learn soon enough how strong the friendship is.

Urm what else eh...

This is totally irrelevant but finally, I like someone. There I've said it. Pheww!

However, I think it's impossible. Huhu~

Delete Me, Hapus Aku

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favorite movies and it never fails to make me shed a tear or two even though I've watched the movie countless timess. The opposite of the typical romantic Hollywood film, this movie brings me to such a personal level it hurts.

So if you have watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, you'd also be familiar with Lacuna Inc. In that movie, this company specializes in wiping specific memories away forever. Sometimes we'd surely feel trapped in the slippery, chaotic unpredictability of the worlds we construct from our memories and experiences. Just imagine if we have something like Lacuna Inc. in real life, instead of dealing with the pain and suffering of your past, you can erase people and moments from your memory, and move on with your life, without giving it another thought. Imagine your bad relationships can disappear. Your painful experiences blotted out. Your unbearable sorrows gone.

Of course in real life, no such thing thing as erasing memory is possible but watching this movie gives me what I secretly wish for, a chance to forget something that's hurt me in the past.

Memories, they don't fade easily.

Note to self: Next time don't listen to Nidji's Hapus Aku after watching Eternal Sunshine!

Dear Comot

Dia mahu jadi penanam kobis suatu hari nanti

Even though you’re younger than us, and we bullied you a lot, (well, most of the time Shamam bullies you a lot) we actually love you and care about you so much. Personally, I think highly of you because you’re such an independent person and having lost both of your parents at young age, you survived this life. Therefore on your birthday, I pray to Allah that you will be granted all the hapiness in the world. Thank you for your support, you’ve become one of the most important people in my life. Whatever happens, be strong and remember, you have us!

Happy 17th Birthday!

Tips to stay younger like me: minus 10 years from your birthday hahah

I’ll see you tonight, eh? ;)

Immobile

Emergency Ward, HSPSDG

Hi, how' s the world treating you?

I am now recuperating at home after being hospitalized (again!) for a week. It was a very shocking experience, I am probably still in denial about it.

All through out the week, I remained calm even though there might be possibility for me to be wheelchair-bound forever. I think it was because I don't want my parents especially my Mom to be so worried. I couldn't bear seeing my Mom crying.

Earlier tonight, I had dinner with 2 of my best friends since high school. We had a very profound conversation. For the first time since last week, I can finally cry. I cried and cried, sobbing, snot and all. But now I feel much better emotionally.

I'm so glad I have such wonderful people around me.

Don't worry, I am fine now. Refusing lumbar puncture is a big risk for me, but I can walk again. It was just a scare.

I hope.

Hello, Malaysia!

I'm back with one extra suitcase and a Gigaful of pictures!


Kapan ke Jogja lagi?

Leaving On A Jet Plane

All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go...

I'm off for a vacation tomorrow.

Good bye, Malaysia!

See you in a week, don't miss me okay? ;)

Setback

Difficult time ahead.

At the moment, my mind goes blank.

But I know every cloud has a silver lining.

It's time for a change of scenery, I guess.

Thankfully, a much needed break is on the way.

About A Friend

One of my beloved friend turns 18 (plus 10) today. After 7 years of knowing each other, I've realized that we've never gaduh-gaduh. Maybe there were minor disagreements but we never had a full blown confrontation and never had a not-speaking-to-each-other moment. She's one of the nicest and funniest friend. Although she has tons of other friends, she always tried her best to be there for me. Her kindness and emotional support during my tumultuous time last year will never ever be forgotten.

ROSE IS A FLOWER, THAT STAYS FOR AN HOUR.
BUT YOUR FRIENDSHIP HAS THE POWER
THAT WILL STAYS FOR EVER

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY BELOVED FRIEND. MAY ALLAH BLESS YOU.

p/s luv ya, mwah mwah mumumumuwwwwaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Soon Baby, Soon

In the spirit of the upcoming trip with my beloved friends, I came up with the new header.

Gloomy Is Not My Middle Name

A friend from college had complained that she's tired reading the gloomy stuff that I wrote in this blog. Yeah, I guess she’s right. Any strangers who came across this blog would think that I'm full of melancholy. Huhuhu...

The problem is that I blog when I'm feeling down. Hence, the gloomy entry. Sorry, Zaa hehe

Some of you might asked, What ever happened to the promised entry that I spoke of before?

The truth is, I'm stuck half-way. Zaa, I know you had asked me to share that half-written part so that I'll have the motivation to continue my story. But I dunnolaa..

So anyway, I'm thinking joining my house mate's swimming class. But a fully-covered swimming attire is so freaking expensive!

I have a new hobby that requires sewing. I'm loving it!

And I think chic-lit is a genre that discriminating certain type of women. The protagonist will always be the one with great job and good look. So far I never read about a 5-pounds overweight account clerk who lives with a senile grandmother as the main heroine. Tsk tsk. Maybe I'm too cynical, too bored with cliches but enough of chic-lit. Switching back to murder/mystery fictions.

It's raining heavily outside and the winds are so strong. They made a spooky sound that you could always hear in horror movies. So cool!


I'm off for now. Be good people.

I Will Remember You, Will You Remember Me?

4 years ago...

He was the only guy that I feel comfortable talking to. He didn’t change a bit when I told him that we couldn’t be more than just friend. Even if I was annoyed with his jokes sometimes, he never failed to make me smile at the end. He was patience with my emotional tantrums and my whining. He was everything a good friend could be.

I still couldn’t believe that he’s gone. He never said goodbye. I never had the chance to ask for forgiveness, to say thank you for being my friend and to tell him please don’t leave me. There’s a large hollow in my heart right now and it hurts too much. I tried to re-read Message Archive in Yahoo Messenger, to remember back everything he said to me. It hurts even more.

May Allah bless his soul and forgive him. Al-Fatihah…

In Loving Memory
Mohd. Nazib Zawawi
16 Jan 1980 – 28 March 2005

It has been 4 years and yet it feels like yesterday.

My memory is not as faithful to you as it used to be, but sometimes it still feels like I live in the shadow.

I miss you dearly.

Hang In

At first I wrote a long entry about the recent complications of my health. When I re-read it again, it seems that I sounded whiny and ungrateful. There's a lot of sufferings in this world which are more worse compared to mine. So let’s talk about something mundane and obscure.

Out of curiosity and the free tickets offered by someone, I went to the so called first weekly concert of this one particular reality tv show. Thus, I missed seeing MANure Utd. got slaughtered by Liverpool!

Anyhoodle, my seat was so damn near the stage but nothing to boast about the concert even though I saw a lot of celebrities that night. I’m refraining myself from bitching about that attitude of some of them who were “bajet famous la tu” but I love, love, love watching broadcasting people at work. It’s all about timing.

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice

Oklah, that’s the update for now. Things will get better for me, and for you too. Ta.

Utterly Random

I was thinking of a clever opening line for this entry but all I could think of was squirrel. I don't know why.

Okay moving on. You'd probably get bored hearing this, I actually have million things to say but as usual, I'm just plain lazy to blog. And after spending the day staring at the computer at work, I would rather doing something else when I got home. Like reading.


Vikram Chandra's Love and Longing In Bombay + Hot Coco = Bliss!

A week ago, one of my bestest, closest friend since Form 1, suddenly had to undergo an emergency operation to remove a cyst from the left side of her body. It was another painful moment for me. With me having had experience with operation and stuff, I still felt helpless watching her in pain. So I cried. And because it happened so suddenly, I thought I was losing her! In the midst of it all, while in pain, she comforted me and consoled me not to cry or worry too much even though it was supposed to be the other way round. I dunno why but nowadays I tend to be a crybaby when it comes to my loved ones. Huhu.


My best friend and I

It's all good now. She's recuperating. Alhamdulillah.

Oh by the way, 15th Feb last year, was the day I was hospitalized in neuro ward. Entry in progress, I'm not kidding this time. Stay tuned!

Just Married!

Whew, I'm finally not tired hehe. January was a hectic month for me and my family because of the wedding. Not my wedding but my one and only baby sister’s. Alhamdulillah everything went well, almost everybody came, Cik Yan, Rogayah, Astuty, Hartini, even Mr.Tumnus and the beavers! Anyway, yeah so my baby sister got married first. Long ago I remember telling her that she doesn’t have to worry about me if she wants to get married first. We’re close since we're little and I guess my parents taught us well, siblings rivalry never existed in our dictionary. Physical and personality-wise, we’re different like the earth and the sky except for our tempers. It’s the Negri's trait I think. But she's more patient than me because I know I can be quite bossy sometimes. I will never ever forget how she took care of me during my hospital stays for the surgery. She bathe me, cleans my bedpan without complain and patiently waited for me for physiotherapy sessions. I love her so very much!


When we were young: Pengantin berambut ala Penan and Kakak Pengantin :D

As a teacher/engineer by education, she’s never been good in crafty, artsy-fartsy stuff. She can barely draw a stick figure. Suprisingly nak kahwin punya pasal, she decorated these hantaran all by herself.

My sister flashes her sweet smile minutes before nikah, isn’t she lovely? Wait till you see her young older sister muahahahhahaa

Us :)

p/s As pointed out by Ayu Kelopak (and her friend), the reason behind my not being married yet..kepupusan lelaki-lelaki berkualiti. Video di sini, Astaghfirullahalazim...