Has it really been a month?

The last flake of skin from the operative scar is still waiting for the right time to come off. My chest still hurt a little bit and I cannot sneeze properly yet. I also ran out of breath easily when I started doing some stuff especially when I tried lifting heavy things.

Most importantly, the experience of being conscious halfway through the surgery is so surreal. It feels like it never happened. But it did happen to me. I remember feeling the indescribable pain as the surgeons were doing their stuff in my chest. It was so painful, more than you could ever imagine. I remember feeling helpless as I couldn't move and talk while the surgeons happily talking about going to Korea. I was only able to open my eyes but unfortunately, they covered my face with a cloth during the operation. I remember being so angry while in a deep, deep pain.

But I survived, alhamdulillah. I'm not saying that I have a strong character or anything because I cried a lot right after the surgery. When I was in ICU and still being intubated, I saw my Mom standing at the edge of my bed, I reached out for her hand and cried. It may sound strange, but all the pain seemed to subside when I touched my Mom's hand. Luckily, I had a wonderful nurse, a Filipino called Dorothy. She was very tender to me and she told me that I'm still alive and that's the only thing that matter. I guess her words stuck to me till now.

A friend told me about a film called Awake. The movie is almost similar with what I've been through. The proper term for it is Anesthetic Awareness. I've downloaded the movie but haven't watch it yet. Maybe I'll let you know how I feel about this movie later.

I'm off for now.