A Long Entry

I was the first one to arrive at neuro clinic last Friday. A petite nurse called Mary greeted me with a cheerful good morning. Then she took my blood pressure and my weight while making a small chat with me. I waited for about 2 hours for my turn to meet my neurologist as she had ward rounds before meeting with appointments.

We discussed about my current condition, ptosis on my left eye. So I've been looking like a freak for about 2 weeks now. My left eyelid drooped so low sometimes I can barely open my left eye. It is such a hassle for my vision, there were times where I miscalculated my steps and stepped/stumbled onto something. I also slipped and almost fell twice. My poor ankles are getting swollen. When I'm out in the public, people stared and gave a weird look. I could even sense a pity look from some people. Now I know how it feels to be on the 'other' side. But still I braved my daily life with a style, a fake Armani sunnies to pacify my vanity. Heheh

When my turn came, my neurologist asked me to undergo another blood test. This time my blood had to be taken out from both arms because the nurse got nervous on the first attempt. While the tiny needle was halfway in my vein, her hands shook a little (pain!) and air bubble got into the syringe instead of blood. She apologized profusely to me saying that my veins are too small. I didn't mind at all because I've been told a lot that my veins are tiny. After that I hung around the neuro clinic waiting for the result with my feelings a little bit shaken. If the result don't look good, my neurologist told me that I have to be warded immediately and started an intravenous treatment. To kill the time, my beloved friends Comot and EditorAnne called me to cheer me up.

Thankfully my result was okay. But then came the mystery, what triggered my ptosis? Furthermore, the current medications are strong enough. It could probably happened from those times when I tried to fast, but it was only for a few days. My neurologist explained to me that this neuromuscular disease that I'm having is indeed a baffling one. She reminded me that it could've been worst, better ptosis than the disability to walk or even breath! The solution for now is to increase the dosage of the medications. So my battle with the side-effects continues...

To tell you truth I am actually frustrated, confused and sad because the ptosis has affected my self-esteem a little bit. However I put up a happy face for the sake of my parents. It breaks my heart to see them worry about me ever since I got sick. During our Sate Minang Gang post-berbuka conversation, Akak Daybab mentioned about positive energy. That's what I intend to do, staying positive.

Some of you would love to go around to everyone about your little sickness, because you think people give more attention if you're sick and you enjoy being sympathized. Put yourself in my shoes. I bet you won't like it. It's time for you to stop being too insecure and start counting your blessings.

After all, you're still healthy and look normal. So please, be thankful!